Glitter

1.

I am scared that I will lose
certain conversations
expressions - and forget
the movement of your eyes
the lightness of your smile
I already remember - just some parts
(that I knew I wouldn't forget
even while they were being said)
And have forgotten so much ...

2.

In ordinary sand sometimes
in some kinds of light -
you can see
- glitter -
and even when you let the sand fall
and brush your hands and all
it shines...
Is that - stardust?
Why do I have the memory so vivid
of eyes looking at tiny palms
outstreacherd, and glittering
with stardust?

3.

Is it true that I do not know
how to desire?
that an 'I' as strong as mine
is hidden behind what others want and not 'me' -
And that I have no idea of what
I want -
Of course -
its true -
and I have known it forever -
Yet -
it was you who found the words to say it
Not me....

4.

Who am I to you?
What role do I play in your life?
And how is it not a question of self-worth
When my love has defined me forever,
Except this once...
But still..
The thought is new to me
And I am used to defining myself
With my love and in rejection I feel
- worthless - till I find myself again
And talk me out of misery and myth and insecurity -

May be its a good thing
that I am nothing to you,
Because if I were, I'd be content in
that answer -

Now - I break - the question - and ask -

Who am I?

Who - am - I?

5.

I am scared that I will lose
certain conversations
expressions - and forget
the movement of your eyes
the lightness of your smile
I already remember - just some parts
(that I knew I wouldn't forget
even while they were being said)
And have forgotten so much ...